In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
