I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
where are you?
Hypothermia
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
