oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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