Duck Duck Cougar?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
