I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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