thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
