32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
