Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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