my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
