Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
