Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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