Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We left an ass print on the piano.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All the doctor said was why
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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