I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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