On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
