Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
