I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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