I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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