she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you had me at cake vodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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