Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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