If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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