Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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