I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
