her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Two words: blizzard sex
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