I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize