Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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