Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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