If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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