I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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