bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
