I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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