i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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