Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
