don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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