So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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