New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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