Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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