so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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