I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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