yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
