Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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