You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
