Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drunk is not a location!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
