i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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