I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
