I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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