I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
