Farmville is her only friend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
