Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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