shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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