Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
