i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
