tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
