Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
