Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
