Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
